Chaotic Love Read online

  I’d like to say I fought the good fight and won, but that would be a lie. My stomach was on fire, and every time I caught another whiff of the food, it felt like someone stabbing me in the gut.

  The hunger hurt far more than I’d ever anticipated. I stood up and walked over to the food. I bargained with myself that if I only ate a little bit, I could stop the stabbing pains in my stomach and I wouldn’t get enough of whatever they’d dosed the food with to drug me out of my mind.

  That sounded like a plan to me, so I sat down on the floor next to the tray and took the lid off. My eyes went wide. There was one thing on the tray I hadn’t been able to smell because the aroma of the pot roast was so strong. On a little plate next to the pot roast and potatoes was a piece of chocolate cake. I’d only ever had chocolate cake once in my life. It was when I was very little, and my mother was still around.

  I’d just started going to school, so I must have been around five. She tried to have a real birthday party for me. Someone—it certainly couldn’t have been her—baked me a cake. There were a few blue balloons, and a much older woman gave me a soldier toy.

  I remembered the woman was plump, and I closed my eyes, so I could bring back the memory of when she’d hugged me. As far as I could recall, she was the only person who ever did, and the toy she gave me was a constant reminder of that day. She wore a purple shirt, and her thick gray hair was pulled up into a bun on top of her head. I remembered that she smelled like something sweet.

  After the party, the woman and my mom were outside. The woman cried, and my mother yelled at her. I never saw her again.

  Up until my father sold me to Tamara, I would hug that soldier whenever I wanted to remember the woman. He’d thrown it in the trash when Tamara came for me. Sometimes I wished I still had it.

  When I opened my eyes, the chocolate cake was gone. I’d been so hungry that I ate it without even realizing it. The cake had left a slightly bitter chemical aftertaste in my mouth. It wasn’t unlike the memories it invoked. I swore I wasn’t going to take another bite of the food, but my survival instincts kicked in and I wolfed it down so fast that it almost made me dizzy.

  My stomach felt full and stretched for the first time in a very long time. It was nice, other than the guilt that accompanied it. I’d been weak.

  I couldn’t think about it for long, though. My eyelids began to grow heavy. It probably wasn’t just the drugs in the food. My body wanted me to rest so it could use the meal to help me get stronger.

  I didn’t want to get stronger. I wanted to waste away. The dirty mattress on the floor had never looked so inviting. I made my way over to it and lay down. I figured I’d just close my eyes for a minute. I’d need my strength when the guards came around. I had to be strong enough to provoke them.

  As I drifted off, I imagined a place up in the clouds where I could go to wait for the woman in the purple t-shirt. I’d find her, and she’d wrap her arms around me again. Maybe we could bake a cake together…

  My head was swimming when I woke. The chains around my wrists and ankles felt like they weighed a million pounds. It didn’t matter. I was far too high to fight. Stanislav must have figured me out and doubled the dose. If only he’d tripled it. Perhaps I would have gotten my wish.

  I didn’t hear them at first, but soon the sound of the Alphas down at the other end of the cages reached my ears. They were laughing, and one of the other Omegas was already crying.

  It felt like an eternity before the group of Alphas made it down to my cage. I could turn my head to the side enough to watch them drift down my way. Two men had already chosen an Omega and left with their purchase. That left three Alphas and Stanislav by the time they got to my cell.

  My mind was too fuzzy and my body felt heavy, but I did my best to fight. I growled at the men and fought against the chains as much as my leaden limbs would let me. There was always the chance that one of them wanted a slave to break, but it was more likely that they were looking for a terrified, subservient Omega.

  I’d called it right. They shook their heads and turned to the cage across from mine. Stanislav shot me a look that let me know I was in trouble.

  I knew what men wanted, and I would not give it to them. Stanislav would have to kill me because I’d be a liability. There was no point for him in keeping an Omega no Alpha wanted alive. He had to feed me on his own dime if I never earned my keep.

  By the time the men were halfway back down the aisle, the second wave from the drugs hit me. I began to drift off again. Knowing how badly I’d pissed Stanislav off was almost enough to make me smile.

  Almost.

  The sensation of my hair being ripped out was enough to immediately snap me out of my stupor. I didn’t know how long it had been, but Stanislav dragged me off my mattress by my hair. He’d unchained my wrists and ankles, and it hadn’t woken me.

  “What is wrong with you?” he asked and slapped me so hard across the face that I tasted blood.

  I rubbed my stinging cheek absently as I contemplated my response. Stanislav had come into my cage to deal with me himself. I hadn’t expected that.

  I guess I didn’t respond fast enough. He kicked me in the stomach and screamed that he should kill me because I was worthless. But lucky me, one of the benefits of the drugs he’d given me was that they dulled the pain of his blows.

  “You’re right,” I cried back and then laughed. “But I’m not as worthless as you. I bet that’s why you beat us Omegas so bad. It’s because you can’t fuck us, right? Your little Russian pecker doesn’t work anymore, I’d bet.”

  He turned bright red, and I knew I’d hit my mark. Stanislav’s fist struck my face right above my cheekbone. Stars exploded behind my eyes. I’d insulted him in front of his men. Two of his favorite bodyguards stood outside the cage, watching with smiles plastered across both of their sadistic faces.

  The drugs took the sting out of the beating, but it didn’t stop the actual damage. Stanislav punched and kicked me until the darkness crept into my peripheral vision. It filled my eyes until I was out cold.

  I groaned as I came back to consciousness. Heartbroken. He hadn’t beaten me to death.

  Someone was shaking my shoulder, and I realized that he’d left me on the floor next to the bars I shared with the cage next to mine. The Omega in that cage, Link, was shaking me.

  “Oh my god, Thorn. Are you okay?”

  I groaned again.

  “Come on, Thorn. Wake up. Please.”

  I just wanted to lie there and hope that I hemorrhaged internally or something, but I felt bad for Link. I was only four years older than him, but it felt like an eternity of life to endure. Stanislav was his first owner, and I doubted that he’d ever seen an Omega die before. I’d seen it, but what did that matter?

  “I’m okay, Link.”

  “Oh, thank god,” he said. “I thought you were dead.”

  “I wish.”

  “I’ve got some Oxy over here if you need it.” He must have thought I wished I was dead because of the pain.

  Link was a drug addict. Hell, I probably was too at that point because of all the shit they put in my food, but Link was a voluntary drug addict. He behaved and did what he was told, so they kept him in supply most of the time.

  “You keep it,” I said.

  “Hey, Thorn,” he whispered.

  “Yeah?”

  “Me and a couple of the other Omegas have been talking. We were thinking that if you could get Stanislav or one of his men into your cell again, maybe you could get one of their guns. We could get out of here,” Link said hopefully.

  “There’s no point,” I said. “Even if I killed the guards down here, there are too many upstairs and outside. We’d never get past them.”

  For a moment, I still thought it might be worth a try. They’d kill me for trying to escape. It might be my only way. Or I could just take the gun and turn it on myself. It was actually a perfect plan, except that I worried about the other Omegas. It was one thing to get myself ki
lled, but it was something else entirely to bring any kind of additional pain to them. I had no care left inside of me for myself, but that didn’t mean I was a heartless monster.

  Still, if I could get one of their guns and shoot myself, surely they wouldn’t punish the other Omegas for that. That was my ticket to my only way out.

  Death.

  Chapter Three

  Damon

  In the month since I’d been at Stanislav’s house, I hadn’t been able to close my eyes without seeing his face. The Omega’s eyes haunted my thoughts, no matter how much whiskey I drank trying to erase them. I’d never had that kind of reaction to a man, let alone an Omega who was half dead in a basement prison. But I knew under the dirt and rags that covered him, he was the most gorgeous Omega I’d ever seen. When he was healthy again, he’d be one of those Omegas so stunning that it was hard to look at him. He’d be like staring into the sun. Glorious.

  And blinding.

  That’s what I’d become. I was blinded by my obsession with him. Hell, for all I knew, he was probably already dead. Still, in the month prior, I’d moved money around so that as long as this drug trade went smoothly, I’d offer to buy the Omega. That thought was the only thing that let me sleep at night.

  I’d even made some preparations for his arrival. I had a room set up in my basement just for him. I wouldn’t be able to let the Omega roam freely around the house until I could trust him, but his space downstairs was nicer than what Stanislav had supplied. I hoped that he’d appreciate it.

  The day of the trade came, and I could hardly hold still. I stayed on my bike and away from my brothers. I just rode. In my mind, I could almost feel the Omega’s arms wrapped around my waist as we glided around the mountain roads on my bike.

  It was a stupid fantasy, but I couldn’t let it go. I knew I could never love an Omega but god damned if I couldn’t obsess over one. I’d played the fantasy over and over in my head. He’d submit, and I’d be able to spoil him once he did.

  You could always tell when it was time for business at Stanislav’s place. I pulled up in front of his house, and there wasn’t a vehicle in sight. There was no party when deals went down. I preferred it that way, and Stanislav was too paranoid to have a bunch of lowlifes hanging around while the big deals went down. Only his most trusted men would be there, but that meant my brother and I were outmanned and outgunned. The only reason I allowed myself to walk into a situation like that on Stanislav’s home turf was that Slavie and the club had a long relationship.

  A prospect, Frank, followed me in a truck to haul the shipment back to the warehouse. “Keep your head down and your mouth shut,” I said. “And watch my back.”

  We walked up to the front, and the guy at the door opened it for us. I was used to a nod as a greeting. The fact that the guy, an armed Russian gangster, was being cordial gave me pause.

  Stanislav sat on a sofa in the formal living area. I wasn’t used to him waiting for me. Something was up.

  “Good to see you, friend,” he said and stood.

  Yep, something was definitely not right.

  “Is everything ready?” I asked, not returning his greeting. “I got my truck ready to go.”

  “For the most part,” Slavie said as he sat again. “We had an issue.”

  Shit. Why couldn’t this deal have just gone down smoothly? I did not want to deal with any fucking complications. I had plans for this deal beyond just getting the drugs.

  “What kind of issue?”

  “I couldn’t get enough to fill the order.”

  “You’ve had a month,” I shouldn’t have said it, but I couldn’t hide my frustration. I hoped my momentary slip didn’t cost the MC this relationship. I just hated bootlicking.

  “You think you can get your stuff somewhere else?” Slavie asked. “Be my guest.”

  “I’m sorry. I was rude.” He relaxed at my apology. He should have, after all; he was the one who’d come up short in the deal. “What’s going on?” I asked as respectfully as I could.

  “One of the shipments got stuck in Long Beach. It’s going to be a while.”

  “When will you have the rest?”

  “We don’t know, but my men are working on it.”

  “How much are you short? We’ll take what you’ve got, and I’ll come back and pay you for the rest when it’s in.”

  “That’s going to be an issue,” Stanislav said. “I need all the money now. I’ll get you the rest of the product as soon as I can.”

  “Stanislav. Work with me here. My brothers are not going to like that.”

  “Relationships are important, Damon. I’ve learned in my lifetime that they are far more important than money.”

  I thought it over for a few moments. Relationships were important. The brothers wouldn’t like it, but they’d like losing Stanislav as a source even less.

  Then, I had an idea. “You let me take one of your Omegas, and I’ll smooth things over with the club,” I said. I had enough money to replace the money Stanislav took without giving us supply in return. He was good for it, eventually, and I’d get the Omega.

  “Let me go see who’s around. I’m sure I’ve got somebody to meet your needs. We got some fresh young things in yesterday. I bet they’re out by the pool with the handler.”

  “No,” I said. “I mean, thank you. That’s a generous offer, but I want something a little more… broken in. I don’t want to have to break him in myself. Ain’t got the time.”

  “Well then...” He stroked his chin. “Let’s go downstairs and see what I can do for you.”

  I followed him through the house with Frank in tow. At the back of one of the rooms were floor-to-ceiling windows, and I got a good look at the pool. Jesus, the new Omegas looked young. I’d thought his stock had looked underage the night I came to confirm our deal. Dressed in bathing suits and flip-flops, most of them barely appeared high school age. I had to get the fuck out of there. I needed to talk to the brothers about seeking out another source. That shit was the kind of heat we didn’t need our club associated with. Frank had a stricken look on his face as well. I was glad he didn’t like them young like that. I’d have had him voted out.

  Once we were down in the basement, I walked casually down to the Omega’s cage. I stopped and looked at a couple of the other Omegas first. Stanislav didn’t need to know how badly I wanted him. If he did, it was something he could use against me. I needed this to stay as him doing me a favor.

  I got down to his cage, and he was spread-eagle on his mattress. The Omega’s head lolled to one side, and I could see bruising all over his body. He appeared to be drugged, too. Seeing him like that made me want to snap Stanislav’s neck. I felt like he was already mine, and it pissed me off to see my property damaged that way. I didn’t want him strung out on drugs, either.

  His black cotton panties strained against the outline of his cock, and I had to bite the inside of my mouth to keep from raging. Who knew what Stanislav’s men did to him when he was like that. I didn’t want to think about what they were doing to that little ass of his because it belonged to me.

  “I’ll take this one,” I said and started to walk back toward Stanislav.

  “I’m afraid not, Damon,” Stanislav said. “What about Teddy over here? He’ll serve you well. Or Link. He’s the Omega in the cage next to that one. I’m afraid that Thorn is mine. He’s a special project.”

  “This is the one I want,” I said.

  “Yeah, I get that, but I’ve got plenty of other Omegas for you to choose from.”

  “If I can’t have this one, the deal is off.” Fuck me. I should have kept my mouth shut. I’d said something stupid, and he knew how bad I wanted the one he’d called Thorn.

  “I’ll give you double the amount of missing drugs, Damon. I’ll have them to you in less than a week. You have my word. No Omega. And you and that prospect get the fuck off my property before I put a bullet in you both.”

  “Fine. I’ll be back in a week.” It killed me to swa
llow the shit sandwich he’d just fed me, but I had to do it. I still had to do what the brothers expected of me, and I needed time to think of my next move. “Let’s go, Frank. Slavie here has been more than accommodating today.”

  Back at the truck, Frank had a look on his face. “What?” I asked.

  “Nothin’.”

  “Fuck you, prospect. Tell me what.”

  “Look, I don’t want to be disrespectful, but I don’t get it. Why were you gunnin’ so hard to get that Omega? If I didn’t know any better, I’d have said you were planning to get him from the jump.”

  “You’re too smart for your own good,” I replied.

  “But why, Damon? I mean, there are tons of Omegas willing to put out any time a brother wants it. Why did you want that one?”

  “Mind your own goddamned business, prospect.”

  Chapter Four

  Damon

  A week went by, and all I’d done was grow more restless and agitated. There was only so much that time under a barbell and jacking off could do.

  When I’d gotten to the point where my body ached like I’d been hit by a truck and my cock was raw, I made the decision to do something.

  Stanislav’s relationship to the club meant nothing to me when he’d stolen my property. He’d had the opportunity to make things right, but he’d decided to play a power trip instead.

  I had no idea why he wanted the Omega, but whatever his reasons, I didn’t care. I felt like a lion who’d stalked their prey for weeks, only to have it poached. It wouldn’t stand.

  While I was no coward, I’d become softer over the last couple of years. I’d let fear rule my life and my thoughts, but one look at the Omega and his big blue eyes unleashed something inside me. I felt like a real man for the first time in a long time.

  And real men handled their shit.

  I knew that in the end, my brothers would have my back over that of some Russian drug dealer. We’d find a new source. Fuck that Russian cunt. He fucked up when he shorted us on the last deal.